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If you have a Mother with Narcissistic personality disorder, then you have likely suffered from Emotional Abuse. Mothers with this personality see their children as their life line & narcissistic supply. These mothers are likely covert narcissist. Covert Narcissists are hard to spot because they are sneaky. To the outside world including neighbors & extended family members they will put on a persona that they are the perfect parent, But behind close doors they act totally different.
They will use manipulation, threats, guilt, & fear to get their way & if you do not give them the love & attention they are seeking, they will go on a rage. These mothers play mind games & have horrible moods swings. One minute they will seem to be the best mothers in the word. Then before you know it they are mad & take their rage out on you. You don’t even know why? You won’t see it coming its like walking on egg shells. This will have you confused & Thinking what did I do now? These mothers feel “Entitled” to treat you any type of way because they are your mother & you should obey them & do as they say. Narcissistic Mothers think they are always right, they will never truly apologize for their wrong doings. instead, they will avoid the topic & move on to something else, or they will put the blame on you or someone else.. (because they feel nothing is ever their fault)
Narcissistic mothers are extremely sensitive to any type of criticism. If you imply to them or even straight up tell them that they are less than the perfect parent they will react in such rage, telling you how much you hurt their feelings. They will use guilt trips & manipulation like “after all I have done for you” to justify their behavior.
Narcissistic mothers fear abandonment & they will try to control you by doing things for you to keep you around longer. You might think they are doing this out of love but in reality they do not want you to grow up or have any source of individuality. This is a Manipulation tactic. Narcissistic parents do not show REAL empathy towards their children & they lack emotional support. Say if you are having any issues in your life and you go to you mother for any support, she will take anything you say, twist it and then whole conversation will become about her & her problems.
If you are not the only child in the house hold of a Narcissistic parent, then your mother will subconsciously put you in different categories depending on what her needs are. You are either the “GOLDEN CHILD” SCAPEGOAT” or “CONFORMER/FLYING MONKEY”
In a Narcissistic house hold the golden child can do no wrong. This child despite their bad behavior never seeks any punishments for their wrong doing. This child often grows up thinking everything they do is Ok. They usually do not have any respect for others.
On the other hand, the scapegoat can do no right. They are always blamed for what goes on in the house hold. The scapegoat gets punished for everything even when the mother knows who was right and who was wrong. The scapegoat suffers tremendous abuse not only from the mother, but from the other children in the house. The other children do not want to get on the mothers’ bad side, so they go along with the mothers’ behavior. The scapegoats usually suffer from low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. They feel that they are unlovable & never good enough because of their mothers & siblings harsh constant criticism. The role of the scapegoat is like being in a house full of school yard bullies.
This brings me to the role of the Conformer. These are the children & other family members. They always defend the parents and don’t see the mothers actions as doing anything wrong. While, Flying monkeys know what is going on they do nothing to stop the abuse toward the scapegoat. They act as bystanders, & sometimes engage in the abuse their self.
Whatever role you play in a Narcissist Parent house hold, you are being abused in some way. You are not given the love & admiration you truly deserve. But you can move on & Heal. You can heal by surrounding your self healthy individuals that love & support you. In order to heal you might have to go No Contact with your mother. If you choose to go no contact with your mother, just know you might lose relationships with extended family members. In the end you will find yourself becoming more of a happier individual. & you can end the cycle of abuse for the next generation.